Helping Children Cope with Grief and Loss

Tips for Caregivers to Help Children Cope with Grief and Loss

If your child has recently lost a loved one—whether a special person or a cherished pet—you may be wondering how to help them navigate the big, sometimes overwhelming emotions of grief. Here are some helpful tips to support the children in your life as they cope with loss.

• Be direct and use simple words when explaining to your child that a loved one or pet has died. Avoid phrases like “Gramps passed away” or “Gramps is taking a long nap.” Instead, be honest and straightforward by saying, “Gramps died,” or “Gramps’s body stopped working.”
• Encourage open conversations about feelings. It’s important to create a safe space where children feel comfortable talking about their feelings. Let them know it’s okay to be sad, confused, or even angry. Answer their questions honestly, using simple, age-appropriate language. Reassure them that it’s okay to express their emotions and that their feelings are valid. Here are some “It’s OK” Grief & Affirmation cards I created to let kids know that it’s OK to feel whatever they feel.

  

• Use books and stories to start the conversation
  Picture Books like Saturdays with Gramps can help children understand and process grief. Stories provide a safe distance, allowing children to connect with the emotions and experiences of the characters. You can ask open-ended questions about the story to help your child process their own feelings of loss. Besides Saturdays with Gramps, some of my favorite children’s books on grief and loss include The Invisible String, Ida Always, and The Memory Box.
• Create rituals to honor the loved one. Continuing traditions that were shared with the person or pet who has passed can provide comfort. For example, you might cook a favorite recipe together, visit a place that was special, or create a memory box. These rituals can help children feel connected to the loved one, even though they are no longer physically present. In Saturdays with Gramps, Sam continues his and Gramps’ Saturday traditions — making pancakes, playing chess, eating turkey sandwiches for lunch, and more.
• Don’t be alarmed if a child talks about a loved one as if they are still alive. It takes time for children to develop an understanding of death. Children between the ages of 5 and 8 start to grasp that death is permanent and that their loved one or pet will not be coming back. However, children younger than 8 may not fully understand the permanence of death and might believe that their loved one or pet will return after some time. This is normal.
• Avoid telling a child that their loved one or pet has gone to sleep or is on vacation. Children tend to be very literal, and this might make them afraid to sleep or go on vacation or worry about you going to sleep or taking a trip.
• Provide consistency and routine. Grief can make the world feel uncertain. Maintaining familiar routines—like school, playtime, or family meals—helps provide stability. A sense of normalcy can reassure children that, while things may feel different, they are still safe and loved.
• Keep talking about your loved one or pet. Just like Sam and his mom did in Saturdays with Gramps, if it helps you and your child, continue to share memories of the person or pet who has passed away. Engage in activities that remind you of them to help keep their memory and spirit alive. To help with this, I’ve created these grief & loss activities for children, meant to help kids reflect on their special memories with their loved ones or pets.
• Encourage memory-making. Encourage children to write letters, draw pictures, or create something in memory of the person or pet they’ve lost. These tangible acts can help children express their love and grief in a healthy way. Keep a memory book or photo album that they can revisit when they need to feel close to their loved one.
• Watch for physical symptoms of grief. Grief can manifest physically in children, such as through changes in appetite, sleep patterns, or physical complaints like headaches or stomachaches. Be mindful of these signs and provide comfort, reassurance, and space for your child to talk about what they’re experiencing.
• Model healthy ways of coping. Children learn a great deal by watching the adults around them. It’s important to show them that it’s okay to grieve and that expressing emotions is a healthy part of the process. If you’re struggling with your own grief, let your child see that it’s okay to cry, seek support, and take care of yourself, too.
• Look for signs of continued connection. Children may find comfort in the idea that their loved one is still with them in some way. Some children, like Sam in Saturdays with Gramps, may look for signs such as seeing a cardinal, a heart shape, or smelling a certain scent. These small, symbolic connections can help children feel like their loved one is still watching over them.
• Practice patience and understanding. Grief is not a straight line, and children may experience waves of sadness, confusion, and even anger long after the loss. Be patient and allow them the time they need to process their feelings. Sometimes, the best way to help them is simply by being there and providing comfort when they need it. 
• Create a “Grief Comfort Kit” together. Use this printable activity to help your child(ren) identify coping strategies when they feel sad or overwhelmed.
• Know when to seek professional help. While most children will naturally process their grief over time, some may need additional support. If your child is showing signs of prolonged distress, such as severe withdrawal, anxiety, or behavioral changes, it might be helpful to seek professional guidance from a counselor or therapist who specializes in grief and loss.

________________

I’ve created this infographic you might find helpful when it comes to understanding how you and your children may navigate grief. But please know, grief is not linear. This is just a framework, and it’s normal to feel many different emotions (sometimes all at once!), and you may even move back and forth between these stages.

Hopefully, these tips will provide some comfort and relief. In the meantime, I’m sending you so much love during a very difficult time. Caregivers, please remember to take care of yourselves, too. Losing loved ones or beloved pets is never easy.

Grief & Loss Resources – More Support for You & Your Family 

• Eluna – Supporting children, teens, and families through loss and the impacts of addiction. Offering camps (Camp Erin and Camp Mariposa) and a plethora of resources, including recommended books on grief and loss.  
• Kids Grief Support – Jessica Correnti, MS, CCLS is a Child Life Specialist who focuses on grief, loss, remembrance and healing. 
•  NACG – National Alliance for Children’s Grief – Resources, support, education and awareness. 
• Dougy Center – Providing grief support in a safe place where children, teens, young adults, and their families can share their experiences before and after a death.
• Rainbows for All Children –  Supports youth navigating grief of all kinds, such as death, divorce, incarceration, abandonment and many others, through facilitated peer groups within their communities.
• Child Mind Institute – Nonprofit organization dedicated to helping children and families with mental health concerns.